Love and Dating Advice for Au Pairs

Welcome to our new segment, dear APOP! Every month, we’ll ask the au pair community for a question they need advice on and we’ll answer them (to the best of our ability!)

We think this is a great way to open up a conversation in the au pair sphere and get us all talking! We’ll post across socials too so if you don’t agree with our advice, you can also add your opinions.

Let us know what you think of this idea in the comments and don’t forget to follow Au Pair Butrfly on Instagram where we’ll be asking for questions!

DEAR EDWINA…

1. My friends and I don’t understand French boys? Their slowness drives us crazy, haha.

Edwina says that by the time someone has said they love you, she’s already fallen in and out of love with them. Guess we don’t have much advice for you here! We’ve struggled with the exact same thing.

All we can say is, it’s 2021. Tell the boy what YOU want, don’t wait around for him. Sure, it’s scary but if you want a boyfriend, tell him that. If he leaves, byeeee. It’s time to find someone else.

2. How can you manage to keep a long-distance relationship?

Lots of phone calls. Instead of constantly messaging back and forth, I would instead suggest planning WHEN you will speak. I used to hate waiting for a text message but knowing that we had a call planned for 8pm that evening would make me feel better.

I’d also recommend planning when you’re going to see each other. Even if it’s a few months, you can look forward to it.

Finally, try doing cute things like reading to each other over the phone, or just co-working/studying together. This takes the pressure off having to constantly talk.

Not going to lie, it’s very difficult to get through an LDR but making friends, taking your mind off missing them, and throwing yourself into your new life is the best thing you can do.

3. My boyfriend broke up with me 🙁

We’re so, so, so, so sorry to hear this. Honestly it absolutely sucks. All you can do is be kind to yourself. Treat yourself to that ice cream, have an evening of crying it out, spend an evening with a dog (if you can!), chat to your friends and family constantly. Then, when you’re starting to feel a bit better, throw yourself into new hobbies, meeting new people, learning something new, working out.

I also recommend writing down a list of everything you WON’T miss about the other person. It may be hard, but keep this list as a note in your phone and add something whenever you think of it.

When my ex and I broke up, I was heartbroken, but now I look back and laugh. We were never going to work and, as a result of us breaking up, I found someone who I work with SO much better.

4. I’ve been in love with the same guy for over five years now and we still are not dating

Whaaaat! Does he KNOW you’re in love with him? If he does, I think it’s time to say goodbye. If he doesn’t, then tell him! Sure, it’ll be scary but it might be the best thing you ever do. We NEED to hear more.

5. Is an open relationship a good idea?

The only person that can answer that question is you. I would recommend not jumping into it but instead doing a LOT of research and reading about open relationships. Question your motives for doing it, figure out your jealousy level, look into whether you’d even enjoy dating other people.

There are LOTS of types of open relationships. You could decide that your partner is your primary partner who you focus most of your attention on, you could be entirely open, monogamish, polyamorous, etc.

I, personally, went through this process and decided that I only want to be in a monogamous relationship. I’d been pushed into an open relationship where there were no boundaries, lots of jealousy, and many arguments. It took a long time for me to extract myself.

Being in an open relationship can be a beautiful, wonderful, life-changing thing. But, only if you have decided to do it for you, not because of someone else.