Problems as an au pairs abroad
Au Pair

Au pair problems with your host family

Laurie · 24/06/2022

Becoming an au pair means a new life, completely different from the one you had in your own country. You have to adapt. How can you cope with it? 

Something I want to clarify is: struggling is absolutely normal, no way you can move to another country 🌍, live with a foreign family, become an au pair and get comfortable with everything after a couple of days.

I bet you'll get homesick, have a lot of hassle with your new lifestyle, and you may have some issues with your host family as you don’t speak 🗣️ properly their language.


How to adapt to live abroad?

Adaptation to your new life 💫

Being an au pair is different from being a student, a teenager or whatever, you have some real responsibilities more than going to school and learn a course, you must look after kids 👶.

That’s why take your time, there is no rush. It’s really important to do not put yourself under pressure for having a good stay. Then, you’re not alone, your host family will need time to discover who you are.

Likewise, although the contract defines the framework of the stay with your daily routine 📅 (all of your tasks and schedule), you may need more information to feel more confident and reassure your host family at the same time. 

However, both of you can’t achieve this adaptation step without communication.

Another reason to take your time: being an au pair means also visit a country, learn or improve a language and meet 🤝 new people. It’s a lot of thing to manage to, for sure you’ll be exhausted at the beginning of your stay

Register for a free webinar to have more information about the au pair life 👇

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Communication with your host family

Culture shock and language can make it difficult to make yourself understood and to understand your host family. Nothing is impossible 💪, you only need to find the best way to do it.

Because you don’t know each other, it’s going to be complicated to have a conversation. That’s why, you can use a translator 📱 to help you, draw or even mime. Of course, both of you have to be patient because it will not be easy for you or your family.



Something is wrong with my family

What is the problem with your family 😬?

As I said before, it’s normal to feel not comfortable at the beginning. This new life is new for you. So if you’re feeling not right about living there, maybe try to give a chance to your family. Perhaps it’s just your homesickness 😥. But it could also be the family doesn’t correspond to you, and that's two different things.



That happen a lot when you’re moving abroad ✈️, you lose all your bearings. And time is the best remedy for it. Don’t forget to talk to your host parents, don’t be shy, they are here to help you as much as possible.


That doesn’t work with my family

For the case where the family doesn’t correspond to you, there are few possibilities. Either you think the family is not the one for you because you are in a new environment, and you didn’t take time ⏳ to know them, or they are really not for you.

In both situations, it’s always a good idea to have a conversation with your host family. We never know, sometimes a true chat can fix the problems or make the situation better 👍 at least.

👉 You can also read “4 Tips for Your First Few Weeks as an Au Pair”. This article will help you get used to your new life more quickly and reduce your homesickness even a little.


Our advice in case of issues with your host family

Talk about it with your family, your friends, and your au pair agency. They might be able to help you and advise you. If your au pair agency is Butrfly 🦋, we can be the mediator between you and your host parents.

⚠️ To benefit from our complete assistance, you must have purchased one of our packages.

How to communicate with your host family?

Actually, it’s not an easy task to communicate with host parents. We know. But waiting and thinking that the issue will solve itself is never a solution, because the problem will get worse.

Here find some tips to help you in your steps :

  • Don’t wait, if not, it could improve your frustrations 😤 and make the situation worse.
  • Choose the right time because talking about serious things needs to be at an appropriate time when host parents won’t be distracted by anything and listen to you.
  • Be polite and tell the truth (of course).
  • Talk about what you feel, explain why as much as possible, and listen to them in return.
  • Be prepared, if you know what you want to talk about, it’s going to be easier 👍 for you to express yourself.
  • Don't assume, if you are not sure 🤨 about something, ask for more clarification.

However, maybe you don’t know how to express what you feel, maybe you’re too shy, or for any other reason you’re not confident enough to try. You can try to spend more time with them to be closer to them and improve your confidence. But if you can't do it, 📞 call your agency for help.

👉 Read another article, “Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month”.

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Laurie · 24/06/2022



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